Wednesday, 31 January 2007
CRAP!
lol... dun blame me fer posting crap. as u guys know i am always lame. but seriously, now got soooo much skool work. i damn stressed.. =D
how humans are created...
On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.
He said to the cow: "Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years."
Ah Gu objected.
"What. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!"
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog.
"Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will! eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years."
Ah Kow objected.
" What! I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people,
and what do I get...LEFTOVERS...”
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years
back!"
God agreed again.
On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey.
"Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live."
Naturally the monkey objected.
"This is ridiculous;
I gotta make faces and make people laugh?
Let's not even come to the part about the trees and somersaults. Tell you
what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence and I'll
take 10. What do you think?"
God agreed ! again.
On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man.
"You are my best piece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep,
eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.You will get to eat all
the best things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life. For this kind of life, I'll
give you 20 years."
Just like the rest, the man objected.
"What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years
to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow and
another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with all
those life's. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?"
God being very good natured, agreed with a smile......
AND THAT IS WHY.....
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we
are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are
retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our
grandchildren for the final 10 years.
He said to the cow: "Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years."
Ah Gu objected.
"What. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!"
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog.
"Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will! eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years."
Ah Kow objected.
" What! I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people,
and what do I get...LEFTOVERS...”
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years
back!"
God agreed again.
On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey.
"Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live."
Naturally the monkey objected.
"This is ridiculous;
I gotta make faces and make people laugh?
Let's not even come to the part about the trees and somersaults. Tell you
what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence and I'll
take 10. What do you think?"
God agreed ! again.
On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man.
"You are my best piece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep,
eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.You will get to eat all
the best things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life. For this kind of life, I'll
give you 20 years."
Just like the rest, the man objected.
"What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years
to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah Kow and
another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with all
those life's. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?"
God being very good natured, agreed with a smile......
AND THAT IS WHY.....
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we
are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are
retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our
grandchildren for the final 10 years.
lalas~ hahas...
How every company works....
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a slim fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management. STOP YOUR COMPLAINING!!!
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a slim fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management. STOP YOUR COMPLAINING!!!
nice info zihao... i got health info
Dr. Whoop Answers Your Health Questions=========================== ANSWERS TO YOUR HEALTH QUESTIONS
Q:Dr. Whoop, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it.Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like sayingyou can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to livelonger? Take a nap!
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is nothing morethan an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable).And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance ofvegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine.That means they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get evenmore of the goodness that way.Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regularexercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.My philosophy is: No pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLO!! Cocoa beans?...another vegetable!It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?A: Hey! Round is a shape!
hahas...
Q:Dr. Whoop, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it.Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like sayingyou can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to livelonger? Take a nap!
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is nothing morethan an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable).And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance ofvegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine.That means they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get evenmore of the goodness that way.Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regularexercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.My philosophy is: No pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLO!! Cocoa beans?...another vegetable!It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?A: Hey! Round is a shape!
hahas...
interesting??
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW) HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is further down. The brain cannot process "OF".Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.Three is normal, four is quite rare.
More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
I happened to receive this mail some time ago.
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW) HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind is further down. The brain cannot process "OF".Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.Three is normal, four is quite rare.
More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
I happened to receive this mail some time ago.
halo
HALO. GREAT! my geography thing on next week. =) hope tt i can see more posts next time i sign in. the noticeboard is nice!Well done!!! hmmm what is the blog for RVHS?
i forgot. please post it up! thanks. also, good luck for people presenting tomorrow!=) Byes.
i forgot. please post it up! thanks. also, good luck for people presenting tomorrow!=) Byes.
Tuesday, 30 January 2007
Monday, 29 January 2007
haiz...still no one posting..
anyone hu comes to visit the blog can at least drop by by saying "HI" please.
HAL0
HIHI... it's MONDAY again... haix.. i have to go do the geography project....hiax. today not much homework so still okay. I do wrongly for the essay. Next time, must LOOK carefully before i do. DAmn blur... SIGH............... good luck for people who are presenting for geography tomorrow! JIAYOU!=)
Xiuyun...........
Xiuyun...........
Sunday, 28 January 2007
Chinese New Year
Hi guys! My mum told me to invite friends over to my place for Chinese New Year. It will be on a Saturday, 24th February around noon time for lunch. Please come!! Tell me as soon as possible if interested. Thanks. (My Sms going to overshoot so don't sms me untill my bill comes. Sorry. =_=")
Just saying hi....
hi!!! I can't believe that our class is so enthusiastic in this blog!!! There are so many posts....Oh my God!!! You know we have to do the geography project???Very tiring....Also, a lot of homework for the weekend....
Saturday, 27 January 2007
hihi
got lots of homework... hiax. i still feel that the blog is still a bit plain. And, less people are wrting in recently. please write in more often to make it more lively!!! i have to go do homework ler! BYES!!!
I have Problems
I know nothing next to Taiwan.If anyone know anything please tell me through your comments I will be eternally grateful...
LOL!!! dead funny
When jack saw a picture of a handsome man in his wife's drawer, jack was naturally worried.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
diao... i dun even know if this was a joke.
An Englishman, a Texan and a Polak are lost in the Nevada desert. After days without water or food they come upon a lamp half buried in the sand. They rub the lamp and out comes a genie. Since they all rubbed the lamp the genie grants each one a single wish.
The Texan goes first and wishes to be transported back to his house where his pool was filled with beautiful women. The genie claps his hands and the Texan vanishes in a flash of light.
The Englisman wishes to be transported back to his house where he knows his wife will be eagerly awaiting him. Once again the Genie claps his hands and the Englishman vanishes.
The Polak sits down and thinks about what he should wish for. Suddenly realizing he is all alone in the desert, he promptly wishes that the Texan and the Englishman were back.
The Texan goes first and wishes to be transported back to his house where his pool was filled with beautiful women. The genie claps his hands and the Texan vanishes in a flash of light.
The Englisman wishes to be transported back to his house where he knows his wife will be eagerly awaiting him. Once again the Genie claps his hands and the Englishman vanishes.
The Polak sits down and thinks about what he should wish for. Suddenly realizing he is all alone in the desert, he promptly wishes that the Texan and the Englishman were back.
jokes...
LOLS!!! dead funny YET lame...
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
this blog is to boring...
LET ME SPICE IT UP WITH SOME LAME JOKES> lols
Dead Mama
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
Dead Mama
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
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